Noire & Friends: Skits
by IcebatofValikinRRBZ8
Summary: A skit parody story with Noire as the leading cast.
1. Chapter 1

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 1: Respect The Retard**

* * *

Noire, Uni and Kei are sitting down on a couch. Kei gasps and tells the others that K-Sha gets out of the hospital! "That is why the doctor called and said K-Sha was retarded, it all makes sense now."

"God, I hate that retard." Uni said.

"Hate her!" Kei said.

"She laughed the whole way off the roof..." Noire stated and K-Sha enters the room with her head bandaged up. "I mean she could've been screaming but I could've sworn it was laughter."

"Hey..." Uni said to K-Sha.

"So the doctor said that was the worst recycling bin accident he's seen in over 100 years." K-Sha said and has a flashback of the incident.

* * *

**One Week Earlier:**

"Come on K-Sha you can do it!" Uni cheered the girl on from the ground. Up on the roof was K-Sha and Noire. "You can do it girl! Come on, you picked dare K-Sha. You picked dare, come on."

"Alright...1...and 3." Noire said and pushes K-Sha off the balcony of the Basilicom. K-Sha screams and hits the ground hard and she starts bleeding from her head.

"Oof, that's blood." Uni said and K-Sha start to spasm.

"And he diagnosed me with retardation of the mind." K-Sha told the news to the three.

"How did you get back from the ambulance...retard?" Kei asked in a mocking tone of voice.

"What she meant to say, is that your obviously quite stupider than we are."

"Your IQ sucks!" Uni shouted.

"Sucks!" Kei shouted.

"Double sucks!" Uni added more to her first statement.

"Which actually means from a frame of reference means it's probably really low." Noire said.

"My IQ has dropped below 70...so clinically...I am retarded." K-Sha said.

"Oh my gosh, she actually is retarded?" Noire asked.

"I thought the doctor was joking." Uni said.

"Now that I feel guilty I don't want to make fun of her anymore." Kei said.

"Listen girls! We should resolve to treat her totally different now that she's retarded now." Noire said.

"That makes sense." Uni agreed.

"Completely logical." Kei agreed.

The three go to K-Sha and surround her.

"I'm gonna buy you the best guns I can." Uni said.

"It's not your fault God didn't give you a brain!" Noire said and touches K-Sha's hand.

"Me Kei...we family." Kei said.

"Uhhhh is this thing contagious!? Cause she just sweated all over me!" Noire yelled.

"We take care of you. Comb hair." Kei said.

"I feel my brain going..." Noire started to twitch.

* * *

***The next day***

**Noire-**

K-Sha is eating cereal. Noire runs to her. "No K-Sha not the cereal you silly fool! Full retards can't eat brand flakes, got to let real people feed you brand flakes, now open your mouth." Noire gets a spoonful of the cereal and K-Sha opens her mouth. "On three. ONE TWO THREE!" Noire flings the cereal at K-Sha's face. "No K-Sha failed cause K-Sha can't think like real people can."

* * *

**Uni-**

Uni is in the shower and K-Sha walks to the shower. "Hey K-Sha need help bathing, now that you're retarded?" Uni asked. K-Sha doesn't say anything. "Get your Lastation butt in here!" Uni started to wash K-Sha's back.

* * *

**Back with Noire-**

"One more time. 1 2 3..." Noire flings the cereal again into K-Sha's mouth. "Didn't see that one coming. Curve ball."

* * *

**Back with Uni-**

Uni started to sing about bathing K-Sha. K-Sha turns around and is eye to with the Lastastion candidate. "Uni..."

"Yeah?"

"This is kinda weird."

"You're right. Kei get out of here!" Uni looks down on the floor. Kei gets up from laying on the floor.

"Fine I'm leaving anyways!" Kei leaves the bathroom.

"Sorry." Uni said and kept washing K-Sha.

* * *

***Later that day: Outside***

K-Sha is out in the street and has protective clothing on.

"You ready K-Sha. You're ready? On three you're gonna catch the ball alright...three." Noire throws a football at K-Sha and it bounces off her body. "Yeah!"

"Good catch!" Uni claps. K-Sha starts crying.

"Girls I'm not actually retarded! The doctor called in and said I'm not retarded but he thought it was "retarded" for letting you girls send me off the balcony in a recycling bin." K-Sha sobbed.

"Oh." Uni said.

"I wiped shit off your ass for absolutely no reason?" Noire asked.

"That hurts right here." Uni said and points at her heart. "You're worse than retarded, you're a liar and a bad friend!" Uni shouted. K-Sha starts to cry.

"Oh my God." Noire said and rubbed her face.

"I can't even look at you, you look retarded but you're not. So It's like an illusion!" Uni said.

"Let's go find some actual retards to feed pudding." Noire suggested and starts to walk away with Uni.

"Yeah that sounds like- let's do that." Uni said and followed Noire.

"I can't beleive it she wasn't actually retarded." Noire said.

"Jerk." Uni sticks her tongue out at K-Sha.

"Girls where are you going? Please come back. Please!"

"Oh not my toothbrush!" Kei said and dropped her toothbrush while driving. She goes down to reach for it as K-Sha gasps as the car drives towards her. Kei gets her toothbrush back and brushes her teeth with one hand while driving with the other. She rans K-Sha over. *A body pillow*

* * *

**ONE WEEK LATER**

Uni and Kei are standing outside together.

"You know what I feel liked I learned from all of this, Kei?"

"What's that Uni?"

"I feel like, people that are retarded deserve the same respect and dignity as everybody else. But people who pretend to be retarded, like that girl, deserves what Noire's doing to them." Uni pointed at K-Sha, who WAS NOW retarded due to the accident.

"Yes." Kei nodded and watches K-Sha. She is cutting the grass with scissors, Noire hitting her head with a toy bat, telling her to go faster.

**END.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 2: TV Ruins Lives!**

* * *

Uzume and Noire are sitting down together, watching a cop show together. Neptune comes in.

"Hey guys. Someone threw my pudding onto the roof, can you help me out?" She asked her two friends.

"Well you know, we do watch enough cops shows on television, we probably could solve this like two detectives." Noire said and looked at Uzume.

"Or instring Umio in Christmas Lights." She said.

"Yeah, but that would make us idiots." Noire frowned.

"Yeah...we can just do it tomorrow." Uzume said

"Yeah, probably tomorrow morning." Noire looked at Neptune.

"Ok!" Neptune leaves.

* * *

**THE NEXT DAY, Outside.**

A pudding cup was on the roof, unopened. Neptune, Noire and Uzume are outside in detective clothing, with Uzume having a board and a marker. Noire having a camera with her. "I was jogging last night and I noticed my Pudding was up on that roof there. And I don't know who did it but...it mean a lot to me if you can find out who did it because...I LOVE PUDDING!" Neptune told the story on how the pudding got up on the roof.

"Well I'm not gonna lie, 50 years on the force my friend, I mean I've seen woman molested in the streets of Lastation, homeless people run over by cars in Leanbox and children getting frostbite in Lowee, but that Pudding on that roof there is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I rather see a dogoo lick a little girl all over here in Planeptune than that pudding on that roof there right now." Noire said and shook her head.

"Yeah. I mean this girl here is like a great a space cadet. I mean, wow she's crazy!." Uzume said.

"Indeed. We're going to blow this case just like the challengers my friend. Get to it. I'll be looking for clues." Noire said and went to the front yard and started taking pics of the "CRIME" scene.

"Well it sounds like we got a 504, you know an average job we're gonna be able to accomplish. First thing we're gonna do is get that pudding right down for ya. That should, easy please job, take about 4 days...and after that." Uzume stated.

"Wait? 4 days? The pudding will go bad by then." Neptune frowned.

"Yeah. 4 whole days. I mean we gotta get a ladder got to get a crews spot and everyone with a ladder, it's gonna take a long time. And I mean, you know, we got to have a coffee break, shift changes. We'll have security stoking out to make sure that pudding cup doesn't jump. We don't want a suicide on our hands. Pudding guts everywhere," Uzume said and started making circles on her clipboard with the marker. "Goddammit."

"There's credits here!" Noire said and found money. "Wait. You know who has lots of money, right?"

"B-Sha." Uzume said.

"B-Sha." Noire nodded.

"B-Sha!" Uzume growled.

"Looks like our suspect...just got her welcome papers." Noire puts on sunglasses. YEAHHHHHHH!

* * *

**At B-Sha's home.**

"Hey mom, what's up. Huh? What do you mean he's dead?" B-Sha asked as she was on the phone with her mother in her room. Noire bursts down the door and Uzume has a shot gun ready. "AHHH!" B-Sha screams.

"SURPRISE! DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD HIDE FROM US! 50 FUCKING YEARS ON THE FORCE YOU PUDDING FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! AND I'LL FIND YOU! EVERY TIME!" Noire yelled out. Uzume cocks her shot gun at the door and kept her aim at B-Sha. "Now tell me, who's on the phone? Was it a pussy stinking gold digger!?"

"It's my mother. My dad's dead." B-Sha replied and gulped. Noire looks at Uzume and she sighs. Noire fixes her sunglasses.

"..." Noire stares at the wall for about 5 seconds. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! I SHIT BETTER EXCESSES WHEN I GAVE MY SISTER A NERF GUN! And she still loves it!"

Uzume cocks her gun again.

"No. Really, he's dead."

"SHALL I SHOOT HER FACE OFF!?" Uzume asks.

"Don't waste your bullets! Because the law of dicks the law is about to shoot a load of justice all over her face! Take her credits as evidence." Uzume puts her gun aside and goes to B-Sha and goes through her body to find her wallet.

"What are you doing!? Don't touch my wallet!" B-Sha cried. Noire takes the phone and it rings. She answers.

"Hello!? Who is this? Oh! B-Sha's mother!? I'm sorry ma'am we're just trying to reason with B-Sha over here and...wait a minute! You're probably just some stinking gold digger hired as her mother! Well guess what!? We're gonna blow this case wide open! And you and her are gonna go fuck us out in ya!"

* * *

**30 minutes later.**

The two "COPS" are looking at the money that B-Sha, they wear safety goggles and gas masks. "Are you sure we're doing this right?" Noire asked.

"She's sure is guilty." Uzume replied.

"It looks to be some injustice on these credits. In the form of baby shit and semen." Noire said and shined a light on the credits. Uzume removes her gas mask. "What are you doing!? This is poisonous you're gonna die!"

Uzume and Noire start to gag and make choke noises.

"Really? I need my money back so I can pay for my dad's funeral." B-Sha said and Uzume and Noire turn around.

"THE SUSPECT IS TRYING TO BREAK IN AND KILL US!" Noire said and pulls out one of Uni's guns and shoots B-Sha. B-Sha yelps out and drops to the floor.

"You shot B-Sha." Uzume said. Noire puts the gun away and sighs.

"Well, if this teaches us anything it's that maybe television really isn't an accurate portrayal of real life, I mean, really it's probably a more accurate real portrayal of... real things that happen." Noire said and realised.

"Yeah, let's watch TV." Uzume suggested.

"Ok." Noire said and the two were gonna leave.

"Hey girls! Look what the wind blew off the roof~!" Neptune poked her head out from the door and sang as she had the pudding in her hand. She looks down to see a motionless B-Sha. "Hey I think B-Sha's dead."

"Looks like the apple..." Uzume said and puts her sunglasses back on. "Doesn't die far from the tree." She said and her and Noire pose. YEAAAAAAAAH!

END!

* * *

**Noire: Ladies and Gentleman the two sketch ideas we came up with for you to choose are number 1: Gold Third wash up on an island which is actually R-18 Island OR! Number 2: Us four Goddesses go on an adventure of Neptune's...choosing. So between those sketch ideas, vote for your favorite and also I'll be reading the TOP 3 Lastation comments from this week's sketch. As of now, I'm going to do some cosplay. See you all later. *Wink*  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 3: A Stupid Adventure!**

* * *

The four CPUS are out in the middle of nowhere in an unknown dimension. "So, just for reference by the way, do you know who offered us the free trip to the middle of nowhere?" Noire asks out loud.

"I told you when we flew here, it was a fan that offered it to us, like a free camping trip." Said Neptune with a smile.

"But what's that person's identity?" Blanc asked.

"What's their name?" Vert asked.

"It started with a B name. I think it was Branchy. Bruncho. Bran..." Neptune thought about the name. The person appears in front of the four Goddesses. He had a buttoned up shirt, jeans and safety goggles on. He also had an angry looking facial expession.

"BUTCH." He said his name.

"Butch! Butch The Worker Man! Butch?...Yeah." Neptune said.

"Ok. You do realize that some lunatic fan OR new villain posing as a fan, could've just lured us out here in the middle of nowhere. Where our Cell Phones don't work. We're totally out of range for the GPS, AND AND! We got no shares and no weapons." Noire said.

"We'll be at this person's total mercy." Vert said and didn't like the way Butch was looking at them.

"So you don't get any signal or shares out here?" Butch asked.

"No! We get absolutely no shares or signal at all." Blanc replied.

"And on top of that, said maniac could use some sort of saw or battery operated blade." Noire stated.

"To chop us up and throw our body parts all over the woods." Vert finished. Butch shows the four CPUS a battery operated saw.

"Like this." He said.

"Precisely like that one! You see where I'm getting at? Exactly like that one!" Noire pointed at it. Vert and Blanc slowly back away and start to run into the woods.

"Ok think about what you're saying here, who would go out of their way to do some elaborate scheme like that? I mean, does that make sense?" Neptune asked Noire. Butch turns on the saw blade.

"Some people judge on looks. But I think it's what's on the inside that counts!" Butch said and growled.

"Holy mother of...FUCK!" Noire started to run away.

"You mean like the inside of my pudding? Or my Basilicom?" Neptune stupidly asked. Butch stares at her.

"You're gonna die." He said. Neptune gasped.

"Oh..." Neptune gulped. Butch roars and starts up the saw blade. Neptune screams and runs away, following Noire. Butch chases after her. Neptune trips and crawls over to a big rock. She looks to see Butch.

"Step 1! Kill stupid Goddess!" Butch looked at the camera, then at Neptune, his arms in the air with the saw ready to cut!

"NOOOOO!" Neptune screams and Butch saws her face up. Noire is behind a tree with Vert and Blanc.

"What do we do!? We don't have shares out here, we don't have our weapons either." Vert whined.

"Shut up Thunder Tits. We're figure something out." Noire said and Butch was looking around.

"This is all Neptune's fault." Blanc huffed. She finds a large stick and walked towards Butch.

"Step 2: Kill Flat Goddess." Butch said to the camera.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY!?" Blanc got angry. Butch stares at her. Both making angry faces at one another.

"This should be good." Noire said.

"I'm getting this on World Star." Vert starts filming the fight. Blanc charges Butch and swings at him. Butch dodges it. He kicks Blanc in the gut and tries to saw her face like he did with Neptune. Blanc punches Butch in the gut and he goes down. Noire and Vert keep watching it. Blanc is going to smash Butch's face in, but Butch trips her and roars and slices her back. Blanc screams in pain. Vert and Noire scream and run away.

"Step 3:...Kill busty Goddess." Butch said and follows Vert and Noire. Butch summons a rope and throws it. It goes over Vert's head and wraps around her neck. Butch pulls Vert down and is going to hang her. Vert gags and chokes. She tries to pull the rope off but Butch shook his head. Butch pulls Vert more and more, she goes up to a tree and hangs there. Butch roars and goes to get Noire next. Noire looks around and didn't see Butch behind her.

"Oh what the fuck! Holy shit!" Noire gasped and gets punched. Noire goes down into a ditch and Butch grabs her and pins her down. "WHY YOU DOING THIS! WHY YOU KILLINGS US!?"

"I'm tired of your pudding addiction and breaking the fourth wall." Butch replied. Noire narrows her eyes.

"I don't eat pudding...I don't break the fourth wall, what the fuck are you talking about? That's Neptune. That's the girl you killed first who does stuff like that." Noire said to Butch.

"THEN WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?" Butch asked.

"I'm in some of her videos I also make videos and I'm the CPU of Lastation." Noire said. Butch lets Noire go and shrugs.

"I never fucking heard of you." Butch replied and walks away.

"Thanks. I appreciate it." Noire said and stood there.

"Lastation? Bet she spelled it wrong you fucking idiot." Butch said and soon vanishes into the woods.

* * *

**END!**

**"Madwoman34 says: Couldn't Neptune just go HDD and get the pudding off herself?"**

Noire: Yes she could've. But she's stupid.

**"Joey111 writes: I showed my sister, she ran outside, yelled our Goddess has returned to fight for her cause and then...she exploded into chicken shit."**

Noire: Uhhhh, exploding into chicken shit...it's not in my script of good times...who would've known?

**"And finally, for the win. Jake909 writes: I love pudding just like Neptune...Pudding rocks.**

Noire: Well...at least Neptune has someone just like her in the world...

* * *

**Noire: The next sketch ideas for next week are: Neppower Energy Drink that gets me drunk? Or Kurome's spooky house? Vote for your favorite and I will be doing cosplay again...see you next time.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 4: Neppower Energy Drink.**

* * *

Noire walks up to a bench in a park in Planeptune. Noire sits down next to a sad Blanc and a sad Vert. "Hello fellow CPU, was your day unproductive and depressing as mine was?" Noire asked Blanc.

"I woke up at about noon, from a night terror. I tried to write my feelings in a new book...and I cut my pubes with scissors." Blanc said all mopey. "What did you do today?"

"Well I had a pretty productive day. I woke up around 3 pm and went through photo albums of girls who I would cosplay as from that new anime." Noire said and looks at Vert.

"My day was..." Vert started and sighed. "I woke up at 8 in the morning. Went to play a new game that came out recently. I played it for 6 hours straight and...couldn't beat the final boss. I let my team down...they flamed me and kicked me out of their group..." Vert frowned.

"You three look like a couple of sad sacks!" Neptune popped out from behind the three CPUs. "You know what you need? You need some Neppower! It's an awesome new energy drink/alcoholic beverage that'll give you hammered make you black out make you very articular. Neppower makes you cool. Makes you popular with the men, and gives you mood swings and makes you black out drunk and also gives you share problems! How cool is that? How do you think I got this sweet pudding sweeper right here?" Neptune was wearing a fake mustache. She shows the three the new drink. A purple soda can with Neptune's face on it.

"Why would anyone want to drink something that would do that to their body and shares?" Noire asked.

"Due to wide spread consumerism. The fact that the pleasure is better than well being and peer pressure." Blanc said...fast.

"Well when you yell in my ear in a completely unintelligible manner I have to enthusiastically agree with you. High five!" Noire high fives Blanc.

"That's it!" Neptune cheered. "Get drunk or go home!"

"Let's crack these bad girls open and have a drink." Noire said and all four CPUs had one. They count to three and each take a large sip of it.

"Ew." Noire groaned.

"Ohhh disgusting." Vert said.

"Oh my gods who made this shit?" Blanc asked. Neptune started to shake and falls down. Her shares were dropping at a fast rate. -100 shares.

"The bright coloration of the can was deceiving...Urghhh it wasn't fun." Neptune groaned and has X for her eyes. Vert falls down too and her shares too are negative and her eyes have X on them.

"What's happening to our bodies!?" Blanc cried out. She looks at Noire. "Noire?"

Noire throws up and blood comes out of Vert's butt. "There's blood coming out of Vert's ass!" Noire gasped.

"This shit's making feel neppy!" Blanc cried. Blanc then screams. Her shares going up to a million.

"Neppower...it'll kill you dead...permanently!" Neptune said and was on the roof, however it was Arfoire in disguise. "Mwahahahaha!"

Blanc started running and screaming, going crazy.

* * *

**END.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 5: Therapy Is For Idiots.**

* * *

Noire, Uni and Nepgear with a broken arm and bandaged head, are sitting at a table across from Rei Ryghts. "Ok, Good afternoon ladies, I'm DR. Rei Ryghts and I'ma try to help you girls out today. So why are you here?"

"Man cause we got problems with stuff that we can't figure out you're a psychologist that's what you do so fix our problems!" Uni said rather quickly.

"So basically what vanilla ice just tried to say is that on PBS we saw a show about psychology, assumed that you knew something about it and just gave you hundreds of credits to tell us something we probably already know." Noire responded.

"I see. Now before we begin I want to do a little exercise." Said Rei. Noire raises her hand. "Yeah?"

"Is this exercise going to involve oil and large bicep men, cause I feel we uh deserve that kind of compensation." Noire asked.

"Yes Mrs Doctor, I would like to squish the biceps." Uni said. Rei was confused. Nepgear raises her good arm up.

"I see, did you have a question?" Rei looks at Nepgear.

"Do you have any yogurt?"

"That be nice." Noire nods.

"Yeah do you have yogurt?" Uni asked.

"No I do not." Rei said.

"You lactose and tolerant?" Nepgear asked.

"A little." Rei answered.

"A Little?" Nepgear said.

"So you a dairy hater." Uni pointed.

"Don't." Rei frowned. "I'm gonna slide you the doll Noire is that all right?"

"Well listen to me Rei, can you do me one favor?" Noire asked.

"Yeah." Rei nodded.

"Don't look at me."

"Oh alright fine." Rei looks away from Noire.

"And slide it slowly, Rei..." Rei slides the doll but it was quick. "You fucked it up Rei..."

"Ok ladies I want to try a different exercise now, I want to try an exercise that incorporates all three of you. Now what I want you to do is I want you to imitate each other. I want you to just take a few seconds, and become one another, see where you go with that." Rei told them. Uni points at herself. "You...you can't be yourself."

"Dammit." Uni groaned.

Noire started to mimic a bird and make chirping sounds. Uni started mimicking Arfoire. Nepgear mimics Rei, with the sliding doll. This makes Noire and Uni also mimic Rei. Rei sighed.

"This exercise is usually successful but you made it such a resounding failure that, I think I'm gonna plow my car into a tree on the way home tonight. Let's just...let's move on to the real reason that you're here. Why are you here?" Rei asked.

"Hmm. Awkward." Noire scratches her head.

"Well...I got my butt kicked by a plastic bag." Nepgear said.

"Yeah." Noire nodded.

"Butt kicked by a plastic bag?" Rei was stunned by that.

* * *

**1 week earlier.**

Noire, Uni and Nepgear are out doing a quest together, where they stumble upon a plastic bag in their way. Nepgear walks up to the bag and picks it up. "Look bag, can I call you bag? Well look bag, me and my friends are out doing a quest and you're in our way to proceed, we don't want to start anything so...huh? You want to tell me something? A secret? Oh." Nepgear puts the bag on her head. "Wait a minute...I can't breathe."

Noire and Uni gasp and notice dark energy coming from the bag.

"Ah! There's no candy in here!" Nepgear yelled and started to get beat up by the bag as Noire and Uni watch on in horror.

* * *

***Flashback End***

"Ladies, I'm going to ignore the incredible stupidity of what you just told me. And assure you that nothing is going to happen to you." Rei told the three.

"Why should we listen to you?" Nepgear asked.

"I'm a CPU right?" Rei asked.

"Yeah." Noire replied.

"I'm wearing a suit, right?" Rei asked.

"Looks good." Uni said.

"Ladies, going to therapy is a lot like talking to a wall in your house. It just sits there and occasionally it'll go: Mhmm. Ok, sounds good yeah. And you work out all your problems on your own and I literally done nothing. You paid me hundreds and hundreds of credits to literally do nothing...and that feeling is so satisfying that I'm masturbating right now."

"I think our problems are cured thank you doctor." Noire said.

"Get the hell out." Rei glared.

"Ok." Nepgear said.

"I think that's right." Noire said.

"Yeah." Uni said.

* * *

***Outside***

"Well I don't know about you girls but I feel completely cured." Noire said.

"I know." Uni nodded.

"Probably could've used the money for hospital fees." Nepgear said. "That would've been good."

"You're fine. See?" Noire moves Nepgear's broken arm.

"OW!" Nepgear shouted.

"Yeah, she's fine. I say so." Noire and the others look to see the evil paper bag. Uni and Noire gasp.

"Do something Nepgear would you!?" Noire cried. Nepgear pulls out a hand gun. "Oh and it's a handgun! And a totally unreasonable way to solve this entire thing." Noire said.

"Are you gonna shoot the bag, let's shoot the bag." Uni said and pulls Nepgear's good arm to aim at the bag. Nepgear jerks it back.

"NO! This is for us. I only have two rounds." Nepgear replied.

"Uh you know there's a lot of other ways-" SHOOT! Nepgear shoots Noire. Noire screams and falls.

"Oh you didn't even let her finish." Uni said. SHOOT! Nepgear shoots Uni. "Oh my god you son of a bitch!"

Nepgear started crying. Uni gets back up and grabs onto Nepgear's clothes. "Ahhhh! You got me! Hit me with the gun!" Uni demanded. Nepgear hits Uni in the head. Uni groans and falls back down. Nepgear crying more. Uni gets back up again and grabs Nepgear's clothes again. "Ahhhhh! One more! I'm stronger than I look!" Nepgear pushes Uni down. "Stomp on me Nepgear!" Uni cried. Nepgear stomps on her. "Ahhhh!" Stomp! Stomp! "Ahhhhhhh!" Stomp Stomp Stomp Stomp Stomp Stomp!

"Fuck." Nepgear cursed. She looks at the bag. "Guess I cant beat my way out of this bag." Nepgear said and walks to the evil bag. She drops the gun and picks up the bag. She puts it over her head. "Ahhhhhhhhh!" Nepgear screams and walks forward. A couple of feet away, lies Nepgear. Her good arm raised into the air. A girl comes up to Nepgear. It was the Underling.

Linda takes the bag and pets it. "Good job Warechu...now let's go kill some little children in a park in Planeptune." Linda said and then began to laugh out loud. She runs away while laughing.

* * *

**END.**

Noire: We're bringing back two ideas that lost previously. Kurome's spooky house or Gold Third being stranded on R-18 Island. Now I'm gonna go beat Neptune up with a stick for stealing my cosplay costume from last week. See ya.


	6. Chapter 6

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 6: Kurome's Spooky House.**

* * *

Noire, Neptune, Blanc and Vert got into a car wreck. Vert didn't survive. The three CPUs come up to a spooky looking house. Noire knocks on the front door. Kurome opens the door. "Hello."

"Hey anonymous stranger. Um basically our car out there on the street, the tires flew off and our friend Vert got basically sucked beneath the undercarriage of the car and torn to pieces like a piece of hamburger. And uh, we were wondering if we can spend the night in your house, because if we stay out in your yard, we're probably just get eaten by wild Dogoos." Noire stated. Neptune points at Kurome.

"You're Kurome!" Neptune shouted.

"I am Kurome."

"No I don't think she is..." Noire said.

"No." Blanc shook her head.

"No, I'm pretty sure that's Kurome!" Neptune shouted again.

"No, Kurome I think, looks a little less creepy than this girl does." Noire said.

"What's with the wrench?" Blanc asked. Kurome is holding a wrench all of a sudden.

"For personal reasons." She told the three.

"Ah that must not correlate at all with the accident we just got in." Noire shook her head.

"Personal sex reasons." Neptune sneered.

"Neptune, sex is always personal." Blanc said. "Psych!" Blanc yelled and high fives Neptune and the two laugh.

"Is that gay?" Neptune asked.

"Yeah, yeah it was." Noire rolled her eyes.

"Of course...you can spend the night." Kurome said and licked her lips. She enters back inside her house, Noire, Neptune and Blanc following.

"Alright, yeah this sounds like a good idea." Noire said. About 10 minutes later, Neptune and Blanc are sitting on a couch, with a blanket over them as Kurome shows the two her games she has. She has a rated M game. She tells them the plot of the game and Blanc and Neptune weren't interested.

"Can we play a kid friendly game?" Neptune asked.

"Yeah, it would be a better story cause I don't think your video game had a beginning, middle or end or characters or plot I cared about, infact that there was giant plot holes of time traveling and a reason for me to play it, is pretty bad." Blanc said.

"In the great symphony of video gamers, you're like the girl who plays the triangle." Said Neptune.

"Girls? Where did your friend go?" Kurome asked them about Noire.

"I think Noire left because your games are so shitty and it made her regret her childhood." Blanc said.

"Either she has more self respect than us or this snuggie is just nepping awesome." Neptune said.

"Snuggie." Blanc giggled.

"But yeah, you should probably pay her a meeting though." Neptune told Kurome.

"Yeah, that's fucking cold bro." Blanc said.

"It looks like...the fly has flown into the spider's snatch...I mean web." Kurome said, but not to Neptune or Blanc.

"Who are you talking to right now?" Blanc asked.

"Whatever. Bed time." Neptune said and she and Blanc go to sleep.

* * *

***With Noire in the basement***

"Thank the gods I could get away from all that cheap plot and lame games. Now let's see where am I? OH! And a double sided axe right next to the door, we must obviously be in a reasonable' girl's house, of course...ummmm and what the fuck is that?" Noire went to a chair that has a board on it, it was written on in three different colors. "No talent or no shares makes Kurome a dull girl, No talent or no shares makes Kurome a dull girl. This leads me to two conclusions. A: The fact that this woman wrote this repeatedly in different colored markers makes her A: Very artistic or B: Utterly insane. And C: That there's probably somebody standing behind me right now with a weapon."

"How do you like it?" Kurome asked. Noire gasped and turned around. "How do you like it?" Kurome has rope and walks up to Noire. Noire screams. Blanc and Neptune sit up and are awake.

"Who screamed?" Blanc asked.

"Yeah?" Neptune asked.

"Maybe's it's the power trying to turn back on..." Blanc said.

"Maybe it's a constipated Dogoo." Neptune snickered. Just then a door opens and CFW Trick appeared but was wearing clown makeup.

"It's a robot clown." Neptune and Blanc said.

"I call to squish his nose~!" Neptune sang.

"Fuck you." Blanc and Neptune push one another to get to Trick. They sit down in front of him.

"Oh hiya Blanc. Do you know what I like? I like swimming in canoes. And swinging with birds...in the sky. I also love to lick posters and stuff. *Slurp* But do you know what I like most Blanc?" Trick asked. Blanc shook her head.

"I like sucking dudes dicks!...just kidding. I'm gonna lick your fucking face off!" Trick grabbed Blanc with his tongue and pulls her into the room. The door shuts and Neptune screamed and ran to the basement.

"Noire!? What's going on!?" Neptune cried.

"Neptune help! I'm bound to bad video games and I can't free myself even though I have complete use of my hands! Listen...Kurome's gonna kidnap us all and steal our shares cause she hasn't had good shares like in ten years. I mean did you play Megadimension? What the Christmas creme fuck was that shit? Now look. I found this game about good shares under this chair. It's pretty dusty cause it obviously hasn't been played in 20 years. Take it! It''s our only talisman against the demon!" Noire throws the game at Neptune who catches it easily. "Yeah...sorry. Not good at throwing."

"Haaaa!" Kurome screamed and came running into the basement, swings her axe into Neptune's stomach. Neptune cried and falls down groaning. "It's Kurome's kill kill time!"

"Listen! We all know Arfoire's a better antagonist than you are..." Noire said.

"Come on, Noire, really? Arfoire? No one likes Arfoire..." Kurome frowned.

"Yeah you're right...she's pretty bad. She's like a video game disc I would use if I didn't have toilet paper and wipe my ass with...Actually no! I'd wipe my ass with the games she's in even if I did have toilet paper...and then my ass would cry about it." Noire said. Kurome was confused.

"Here's your daily dose of good shares you son of a nep." Neptune throws the game at Kurome and she groans and passes out. Kurome drops her axe and picks up the game.

"What is this? A video game about good shares!? No! No! Nooooo! Nooooooo! Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh!" Kurome screams as she starts to disappear. Kurome vanishes, along with the game.

"Hahaha! The world is finally free from your horrible Sharesmanship...and I think that's a word...I also think that I'm still bound to a chair in the middle of nowhere with no hope of rescue...well at least I have all this time to play games now. Let's see what we got here...Oh...a fine Neptunia game that stars...Kurome?" Noire checks another game. "Kurome!?" Another. "KUROME!? No! Noooooooooooooooooooooo!"

* * *

**END!**

**Sketch Ideas: New Neptunia Game OR Noire, Neptune, Blanc and Vert staring in a reality TV Show.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 7: Hyperdimension Reality TV Show!**

* * *

"You don't wanna miss this brand new really really real reality show! Starting the main 4 Goddesses. 4 girls living in a house, being as real as really possible. These girls are doing real stuff all the time! Making real life decisions like, which toothbrush should I use? Mine? Or my roommates? You decide. Actually they do but you watch. They live together, they learn together and they love together, forever!" Said the narrator. The show starts off with Neptune in a chair.

* * *

**(Neptune)**

Neptune: I have a philosophy. It's uhh...kinda visualizing...doing things. And I do this by staring at walls, eating pudding. The reason I do it, is because it makes me feel like I've accomplish something. No I never actually do anything...I just kinda stare at the wall. And uh...it's my way of coping with...stress...from work. That's my little uh...philosophy. If I feel like I've done something? I feel like I've done something.

* * *

**(Blanc)**

Blanc: My day is really exciting. I pretty much spend 4 hours trying to decide what to eat, per meal.

"Cat food? Olive oil? You make me throw up for three days and poop my butts out." Blanc said to the cat food. She looks at the olive oil. "And you make me forget object permanence and pass out." Blanc looks back at the cat food. "You make me feel like a cat." She looks at the olive oil. "And you make me puke blood." Blanc sighed. "This is just too fucking hard. Too fucking hard. I'll just starve God! Way to go!" Blanc growled. "You too kitty." Blanc looked at the cat on the floor.

Blanc: And with my last two waking hours. I try to disprove gravity by yelling at it...so far gravity's a bitch."

* * *

**(Vert)**

Vert: I go on the computer everyday for about 12 hours. The only things I have by my side is tea and some chips. I usually steal some of Blanc's food later when I finish all the chips. She doesn't mind though.

* * *

**(Noire)**

Noire: Basically a normal day for me, I usually wake up around 9 o'clock and sit in my bed for about 2 hours and 15 minutes, In utter desperation at that fact, that I just want to die. And I try literally will myself to death, uh while in bed. But that usually doesn't work. So traditionally I'll get up, got to a park full of children and put a knife to my throat and just temp to fade there for a moment while the children and parents look at me...and then I come home and...

Neptune: Noire! I have to poop.

**SLASH!**

Neptune: Uh oh...*Backs away slowly*

* * *

**The next day, at a meeting with Histoire about the show**

Historie enters the meeting room as Neptune, Blanc, Noire and Vert are sitting at a table together. "Ladies? I have to talk to you. We have a problem, um there are really bad ratings. I'm just telling you right now, the show is bad. The show is like a wild dog, with its head cut off, shoved into a cloud and pooped out in rain form. The show is that bad. Your shares have also gone down due to the bad ratings as well. I have tears in my eyes, not because I'm sad about the show being bad, but because I stab myself in the eyes cause I'm so embarrassed to watch your TV show. In order to boost the ratings. We thought about another show you girls can compare yourself too, it's called: Spirits Of The New World. It's an anime that came out two years ago and it was big hit in Gamindustri." Histoire said.

"I know that one." Neptune said.

"Right. Anyways, the reason why Spirits Of The New World is so good, Is because you have all the little interactions with the characters. You got the main girl character named Neptune, Neptune you can be Neptune, Goddess Neptune, Spirit Neptune, get it. And you also got her best friend who isn't that funny but she's kinda there helping her out on her journey. We want you all to take this seriously." Histoire said and sighed.

"Alright. I don't want to blow the lid off this pot. But yesterday I got this idea, while I was in the bathtub, sketching some doodles in the soap scum on the walls? Basically in the next episode, I kill you all. Then you come back as Zombies. But suddenly, the shares give me the power to summon a magic horse. And I kill you all with the power of magic and shares on my side." Noire told the three.

"And I'll be the magic horse!" Neptune cheered.

"Right...anyways. I'm just going to tell you that uh, there's a few transcripts here. Just some basic information you might wanna know. You can do with it as you will, just keep in mind that we need good ratings. Soooo, Neptune. Just wanted to let you know that your best friend Noire, has been coming over to the Basilicom. She's been messing with your mom's personal stuff while she's sleeping at night. And even putting on her jeweler because she thinks it makes her look prettier than she already is." Histoire told Neptune.

"Ok, let's get this right. It is a well documented fact that I cosplay for the fun of it. I was just seeing if those types of jewelry would fit me well for my next cosplay session. But if you've ever seen Neptune's mother wearing those jewels. Sweet mother of pearl, that woman looks like a piece of dog shit that has been ran over by a tractor trailer. I would never even speak to her, let alone pay for any kind of food for her." Noire responded. Neptune was shocked by the comments.

"I'm not judging, I'm just the producer for the TV show. Next, Blanc. Your friend Vert has been playing with her breasts over your face at night while you sleep. She's been giggling like a school girl as she plays with her breasts."

"Listen! These are all lies. If you think about it, cause there's no truth for them! Histoire is making all this stuff up so we get in a big fucking argument for better and bigger ratings!" Noire yelled.

"Noire, calm down." Histoire said.

"Whatever."

"I guess you just want the show for yourself huh!? I'm not gonna let that slide Noire! I'm the main character." Neptune said.

"Well not in this story! This is MY show! Noire Speaks! I'm the lead role for the castings. You got your own show. Which hasn't been doing so well, may I add." Noire said.

"Screw you Noire! You want the show all to yourself!" Blanc said and starts choking Noire.

"This is probably not good for my neck." Noire groaned. Vert jumps onto the three. Soon, the four CPUs start fighting.

"Please stop fighting! This isn't going to solve anything!" Histoire tried to calm the four down. Blanc looks at the camera woman.

"Hey! Fuck you Trisha." Blanc started chasing her. "Get that camerawoman you son of a bitch." Blanc tackles the camerawoman down. Histoire sighed.

* * *

***END***

**The show got cancelled after only 1 episode on air.**

**Sketch Ideas: Plutia (As The Torturer) hunts the CPUs. OR Gold Third Stranded On R-18 Island.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 8: Plutia The Torturer!**

* * *

Blanc and Noire are inside a car, late at night. "Just because you punched a woman in the face, does not make you the best Goddess in Gamindustri." Blanc said.

"Actually the other, day there was this kid walking and said she didn't like Lastastion's Goddess, so what do I do? I went boom! I threw a piece of candy right at her face."

"And I punched a dragon in the nuts for a whole day!" Blanc argued.

"Uh that has nothing to do with getting more shares, you understand that?"

Blanc then sees a girl in a bath robe, wearing a beanie and having swim glasses on. "Hey, there's a girl out there."

"What is some girl doing standing outside in the middle of the night?" Noire looks at Plutia, who also had a squeaky hammer toy for a weapon.

"You should go talk to her." Blanc suggested.

"No." Noire said. "She's giving me the creeps. Might be a new peeping tom."

"Nose gun." Blanc touched her nose.

"You need to stop torturing me with that! I have a choice, I have rights!"

"Hehehehe, yeah you got nose but you didn't touch it." Blanc started giggling. Noire sighs and gets out of the car. "Ahahaha I touched my nose, you didn't. Hahahaha."

"Shut your mouth!" Noire glared at Blanc. She then turns her attention to Plutia. "Hey girl...we don't have anything to give you...go home!...well tried to charming approach she's not responding."

"Good. I hate talkins." Blanc said and Plutia appeared behind her. Blanc looks at Plutia and screams. Plutia takes down Blanc and Plutia got on top of her.

"SHE'S RAPING ME! SHE'S RAPING THE SHARE OUT OF ME!" Blanc cried.

"Oh my gosh!" Noire gasped and started to run away. Plutia sticks her hammer into Blanc mouth and it started to squeak.

Plutia gets out of the car and chases Noire. Noire trips. Plutia started doing things to her as she gets on top of her too.

"Ahhh! No! I'm A CPU! This shouldn't be happening to me! Nooooooo!"

* * *

***The next day***

Noire and Blanc have black eyes and sore butts. They were sitting at the table, drawing their feelings away.

"Hey girls." Vert said hello to the two and they gasp. "You two ok? What happened?"

"No. Last night a girl-" Noire covers Blanc's mouth.

"We were having a 1 on 1 match...and beat the crap out of each other, right? Noire looks at Blanc then back at Vert.

"Yeah..." Blanc lied and sniffs.

"Ok. Well I'm gonna go help my guild in my online game." Vert heads to her room.

"Ok...we'll be here...expressing our feelings on...paces of paper." Noire said and started to cry. Blanc too. "These crayons smell so bad..." Noire sobbed.

Vert got onto her game and started playing. She then hears a noise behind her. "Hello?" Vert looks behind her and sees no one. Vert then gets up and looks around. "Whoever is there...I'm not afraid of you." Vert then turns around and Plutia appeared. She squeaks her hammer toy in her hand. "Clever girl." Vert smirked and then gets taken down by Plutia. Vert screams as Plutia slams her squeaky hammer toy on her head and then some.

* * *

***The Next Day***

Vert starts crawling out of her room, in tears and a black eye as well.

"Is that you Vert?" Noire asked.

"I was...tortured...all night long...terrible things happened to me." Vert said in tears.

"She was tortured too. I knew this was gonna happen to all of us!" Noire said and started to cry. "Let's go hug it out."

"Bring the bubble wrap." Blanc said in tears. Vert, Blanc and Noire hug one another and cry their feelings away. Neptune appeared and giggled.

"Wow...really? You cant beat a simple girl who uses a toy as a weapon. Hah!" Neptune snickered.

"Shut up Neptune!" Noire yelled at her.

"Blah blah blah." Neptune mocked Noire. The four CPUs see Plutia outside the house, by the back door. They all gasp. Plutia then has a radio and plays her theme song from it. She enters the house and all four girls scream in horror. Plutia pushes Vert down and does things to her.

"No! Please no more! Please!" Vert cried.

"I'm afraid of STDS I'm afraid of STDS we're not married!" Blanc cried as Plutia got on top of her and did things.

"No no no no! Not like this! I'm not ready no!" Neptune cried and Plutia did the same thing to her. Warechu was in the room all of a sudden. He sees Plutia.

"I'm gay now! I'm gay now!" He cried. Noire starts opening up the window and escapes. Neptune, Blanc and Vert moaning in discomfort on the floor. Plutia runs after Noire, holding the radio, still playing her theme and also her hammer toy in the other hand. Noire runs out into the street and gets onto a car.

Plutia growls and tries to reach Noire. Noire laughs as she knew that Plutia couldn't get to her. Plutia then throws the radio onto the ground and it breaks. She then walks away..

Noire tells the driver, who is C-Sha, about what happened. "And then she tortured us all!" Noire cried.

"I see. How?"

"With a squeaky hammer toy." Noire answered.

"What the?" C-Sha was very confused.

**END.**

* * *

**Next Sketch?**

**New Neptunia Game?**

**OR**

**Wikipedia And K-Sha?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 9: New Neptunia Game!**

* * *

Noire is brushing her teeth, when she receives a phone call from Vert. Noire answers. "Hello?"

"Hey Noire. We just got the tickets for registration for the new Neptunia game. When you gonna be here?" Vert asked and was outside a tall building with Uni.

"Wait? You already got in?" Noire said.

"Running late?" Vert asked and epic guitar music started playing.

"If I don't make it...take care of Uni." Noire said.

"You only have 5 minutes before they close!"

"I'm coming now." Noire said and rushes out of her Basilicom.

"May Idea Factory have mercy on your soul!" Vert looks at Uni.

"What's the problem?" Uni asked, Neptune standing next to her.

"She's not gonna make it." Vert said.

"No!" Uni cried. Neptune hugs her and cries also.

"Only Shares can save you now..." Vert summons a PC and looks through maps. Noire gets in a car and starts driving off to where Vert, Uni and Neptune are.

"Try google maps.." Uni sniffled.

"The internet's down you bitch!" Vert cried. "Dammit!" Vert groaned.

"She's never gonna make it!" Uni cried. Neptune was gone all of a sudden. Where did she go?

"Don't say that. She'll make it." Vert told Uni.

"How?" Uni asked.

"Vert! I need directions!" Noire said, talking on the phone while driving.

"It's good to hear your voice, Noire. Alright. You're gonna make a left turn at wayward drive...then a right at...mr...big...driver?"

"Those dont even sound like roads, Vert." Noire said.

"You're right, I cant read. I don't know where you are." Vert said saddened.

"Listen. I need you to do me a favor. Put Uni on the phone." Noire demanded. Vert gives Uni her phone.

"No-Noire? I don't understand."

"I wish I could be there to fight monsters with you, Uni. But you gotta be a big girl now and do stuff on your own without me being there for you." Noire said. "Ok Uni?"

"I'm so scared, Noire. I'm so scared."

"I love you Uni. But listen...I got to go." Noire hangs up.

"Noire! No!" Uni cried. Noire started to accelerate at high speeds.

"People of Gamindustri, Can I offer you all with prayers and peace? That by some miracle, Noire makes it to the next game? But the only thing that comes to mind are these grades and immoral, appreciate lives...Shares help us all." Abnes said on the TV. Noire parks her car and gets out and catches her breath. She starts to run but a hand making a gun sign appeared next to her head. Noire looks and it's Neptune.

"Excuse me Noire. Where's my money for my tickets to be the main character!?"

"There is no fucking money! I bluffed, you called it, this is over!" Noire rolled her eyes.

"I'm gonna be the main character in this game, Noire. Who said anything about...bluffing?"

"I'm afraid I cant let you do that Neptune." Noire said and Neptune makes an air gun, in the form a shot gun. She pumps it and starts firing at Noire. Noire loads up an air gun as well and fires back at Neptune, all the while that epic guitar music played. (Air Gun= Air Guitar) The two CPUs keep going at it. Noire transforms her air gun into an air Tommy gun and fires repeatedly and quickly. Neptune keeps shooting and soon goes down. Noire reloads her gun and looks at Neptune.

"My God...what have I done? The cost for the main role isn't that expensive. I mean not what it used to be. Plus the game was in 3D But-." Neptune then groans and fakes being dead. Noire sighs and heads out with Neptune's ticket in hand.

Vert is hugging Uni. "Noire?"

"Sis?" Vert and Uni look and see Noire with a ticket in hand.

"You made it!" Uni smiled and Noire hugs Uni.

"I thought I would never see you again."

"Congratulations, Noire. You made it on time. Welcome home." Vert said.

"Alright. Let's see who the main character is." Noire said and takes the game out of Vert's bag. "...Arfoire?"

"Ew." Vert said.

"Get this the fuck away from me!" Noire throws the game onto the floor.

"I don't want to be part of this game anymore." Vert said and rips her ticket apart.

"I need to vomit. EW. Sweet shit." Noire and Uni walk away.

**END.**

* * *

**Shares Doll Or Drunk Black Heart saving the day.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 10: Nepgya!**

* * *

Nepgear is outside, standing in front of Neptune's grave. "Well Neptune, you died about 4 weeks ago, we were having tough time. We thought it was just one of those things you were sleeping, but you didn't get back up. You tried telling us something or someone was trying to kill you. You didn't make any sense, you weren't clear at all. I just wish i knew you were gonna die...we wouldn't have bought all those puddings for you..." Nepgear said. A head pokes out behind Neptune's grave. "What the goodness?" Nepgear was weirded out by the figure. It was Nepgya. She walks to Nepgear and waves.

"Hello! I'm Nepgya! I'm here to save your life! Also here to eat linguine. Mmmmm linguine~" Nepgya introduced herself and licked her lips. Nepgear smiles and takes Nepgya into the car, she sits next to Uni.

"I think I found a way to get over Neptune's death. I'm gonna have this double of me and she's going to help me cope. This is Nepgya."

"Are you serious?" Uni asked and was confused.

"I thought you'd support me!" Nepgear yelled.

"I am very-" Uni began.

"Don't listen to this girl. She looks like...she looks like- Are you that rock eating monster from the never ending story?

"What?"

"Oh my goodness! You're that rock eating monster from the never ending story! I really beleive that you're a big fat hairy bitch that ate rocks all day!" Nepgya yelled.

"HUH!?" Uni was very weirded out by this.

"I still beleive it!" Nepgya said.

**Time lapse: 4 hours later.**

Nepgear is feeding linguine to Nepgya, as Uni, Noire and Blanc are in the kitchen watching them. "Guys, I got some bad news for you. We're getting worse. There's just too much Nep for me to handle." Uni said, talking about her and Nepgear's relationship.

"Yeah, it's yours cause you're a dude!" Nepgya didn't really make sense there. Blanc face palms. "You were so good at acting! I really thought you were a big nasty smelly troll."

"It's the most pathetic thing I've ever seen."

"Urhg...no I've seen your vagina." Nepgya said. Noire shakes her head and Blanc throws up in a bag. "I'm only here to help Nepgear get over her robot fetish! Without me, she's just a ********** you gitty fuck!"

"Do you remember what Neptune's final words were?" Noire asked.

* * *

***Flashback***

_"I'm Neptune! This life sized doll of Nepgear is trying to kill me." Neptune said and Nepgya pops her head out from door._

_"I murder people regardless of what I say." Nepgya said._

* * *

***Present***

"I'm Nepgya! She needs her shares. Without her shares she's a just woman without shares which makes her...a ******" Nepgya said as she brushes Nepgear's hair in her room. Nepgear and Nepgya start skipping together outside.

Nepgya goes to see Uni for a bit. "I saw your ass..."

"Oh?" Uni felt uneasy.

"Smile~" Nepgya smiles and leaves.

Soon enough Nepgya sits next to Noire on a park bench. "We're really beating that Nepgya joke to death." Noire shook her head. Nepgya looks down at her legs and then looks at Noire.

"I just realized I'm not wearing any panties. Holy shit!" Nepgya said and Noire slowly turns away from Nepgya.

**END**

* * *

**Noire: The next sketch ideas are:**

**Number 1: A Parody of the Three Musketeers and Lady Filyn. OR! get ready for this idea,**

**Number 2: A Parody of the conquest ending. **

**Vote for your favorite this will mark the end of season 1. Season 2 will begin shortly after and we will have more castings and more funny shit that you guys can laugh at. So I'll see you all later...and I got to kill some Dogoos with Neptune in about an hour...and it wont be fun. Bye!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 11: Noire vs Neptune/Noire Frames Neptune. *Season 1 Finale***

* * *

**Part 1-**

Noire wakes up in her apartment. "Butt fucking sparrow shit!" Noire yelled and had a bad dream about Neptune. Noire looks around and gets out of bed. Noire looks around and does not see Neptune anywhere. "My god...that godless piece of shit is finally gone. Oh happy day!" Noire smiled and starts eating a pop tart. She gets ready for the day and heads out.

"Nep Nepnep. Nep Nep Nep Neeeeep!" Neptune sang as she walked. Noire stops and sees her. Neptune stops too and gasps.

"We're gonna be roommates! Forever." Neptune smiled. Noire glares and pulls out Bop-It and started playing it. Neptune groans and does force choke. Noire chokes and everything went slow motion. Noire and Neptune are choking one another. IF appears, down the hallway on Neptune's side. She has an eggplant in hand. Neptune looks behind her, than at Noire. Neptune screams and vanishes. IF walks up to Noire as she recovers.

"Trusty Bop It, saves me again." Noire smiled. IF stands next to her.

"Where's my pay girl?" She asked the Lastation Goddess. Noire nods and gets a pack of Silica Gel from her pocket. She gives it to IF. IF takes it. "Now feel free to go suck a pig dick." Noire said and jumps back into bed when she enters her room. She hears shaking and sees Neptune.

"This pudding's so good! It tickles my tummy!" Neptune said. Noire screams.

* * *

**Part 2- **

"Hello, I'm Mina. And on today's show we capture the strangest criminal in all of Gamindustri. But first a warning. What you're about to see and hear, is Explicit. Meet Neptune, the Goddess of Planeptune. What her people don't know, is that when she's not doing her duties, she's trolling chatrooms for the sweet tender touch of a 12 year old's games. Destroying them. Neptune, using the screen name: ThisisNoiregettingmebackforconstantlywakingmeupat3AM47 chatted online with a 12 year old boy, who was having game issues. Neptune responded with sending her a 5 minute video of her playing shadow puppets with her console and in her CPU form, while listening to the popular Neptunia song: Neptune Sagashite. Whatever her motive is for helping this 12 year old boy? Once she makes it to 12 year old's house. She doesn't wait long to take the bait." Mina narrated.

Neptune enters the house. "Hey Lady Neptune!" An _Odd_ feminine boy voice called out.

"Hey. I'm here." Neptune said and had a bag with her.

"What's the bag for?" The boy asked.

"Noire wanted me to do a favor and return her bag from the apartment." Neptune responded.

"So's who Noire?" The boy asked.

"She's my best buddy and the CPU of Lastation." Neptune answered.

"That's weird, I don't know who that is. I'm gonna load up the game ok?" The boy said.

"Wait? What do you mean you don't know Noire?" Neptune asked. Mina appears.

"Hello Criminal." Mina smiled.

"What? Who are you?" Neptune asked.

"Why don't you take a seat?"

"There's no seat to take."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm just here to fix that boy's game AND return this bag, Noire asked me too." Neptune said.

"Why don't you take a seat?"

"There's no seat to take!" Neptune whined and Mina and her stare at one another.

"Well, I'm Mina. Simply put, I'm not the girl here to destroy the boy's console."

"What? No! I'm just here to fix his game and return this bag. Noire wanted me to come here."

Mina pulls out a paper and puts it on the table. "I have this transcript of this conversation of you and the boy here, last night. You wrote: Would you like to touch my breast in my Goddess Form while I beat your game console with a piece of plywood? I wanna beat it like I would beat Peashy. You know, hard and with salad tongs."

"I would never do that to P-ko! Especially with salad tongs!"

"Well I'm afraid there's no salad here to be tossed. Unless you're interested in my mix green salad with Raspberry vinaigrette."

"This is a set up! Noire set me up!"

"What's in the bag?"

"I don't know." Neptune gives the bag to Mina and she puts it on the counter and opens it up.

"Hyperdimension Rebirth 1. And of course you remember the salad tongs." Mina pulled out the game AND the salad tongs. "And you're just dropping this stuff off, right?" Mina looks at Neptune.

"You don't understand! Noire must've framed me! I kept on waking her up cause of this gay ghost and she turned into a potato and I kept on stabbing her! See, she wants revenge!" Neptune explained.

"Does being crazy help you...beat children better?"

"No! Noire sent those messages! She typed those up, I didn't do that! I would never do that. Noire did that and sent me here to get caught!"

"Now why would this 'Noire' do that to you?" Mina asked.

"You don't get it. Noire just wants all the shares and she filled with hate and bossy...and and- she's right there! She made the boy voice!" Neptune points at Noire as she was across the room, wearing a brown wig.

"Arrest Neptune!" Mina yelled and S-Sha grabs Neptune and puts her hands behind her back.

"Darn you Mina! Darn your glasses and your scholar cap! Darn you to hell!" Neptune glared at Mina. Linda walks in to HER house!

"The fuck you all doing in my house?" Linda asked.

"Officer, shoot that girl." Mina said. S-Sha shoots Linda in the stomach with her pistol, letting Neptune go. Neptune runs out of the building. Linda moaned and went down, S-Sha beats her with a nightstick. Mina chuckles and rubs her face with a large leaf.

"Hmmmmm. Yeah." Mina heads to the front camera.

"Neptune pleaded not guilty for the crime of breaking a kid's console. Keeping to her story that her best friend, Noire, set her up to take the fall for this crime. We attended to contact Noire via a phone interview. But as soon as I explained who I was, all we could hear was the sound of maniacal laughter, before the line went dead. Could such a woman exist? Plotting to end all game consoles of this world? Or just Neptune like beating kids with salad tongs? You decide. I'm Mina, oracle of Lowee. Goodnight."

* * *

**END.**

**Season 2 Ep 1 ideas:**

**Neptune and Wikipedia.**

**OR**

**4 Goddess get stranded on R-18 Island.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Neptunia And Friends Skits! *Noire***

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**Season 2.**

**EP 1: Neptune And Wikipedia!**

* * *

Neptune is panicking and on her computer on Wikipedia. Rom and Ram open the door and see Neptune on her bed, with her laptop on her lap.

"What is Ms. Neptune doing?" Rom asked.

"I don't know, but she can probably hear us," Ram said. Neptune gets on her phone.

"Get out mom they're coming!" Neptune said and puts her phone up. Noire and Blanc appear.

"What are you two doing?" Uni asked Rom and Ram.

"Ms. Neptune is acting strange," Rom said.

"Yeah, she's saying something about 'they're coming'. Who's they?" Ram said.

"Let us handle this," Noire said. Rom and Ram scoot away and Noire clears her throat and opens the door wide. "Neptune what are you doing!?"

"I'm on Wikipedia!" Neptune shouted. "The people are talking about how the end of the world is coming! This is the website where everyone knows everything's gonna happen in the world!" Neptune explained herself and her sword falls over. "Oh no! It's happening!"

"Did it know your sword was just about to fall on the bed?" Noire asked, not amused with Neptune.

Neptune checks Wikipedia. "Yes!"

"You know anybody can write an article on Wikipedia and any idiot who quotes it is a retard!" Noire explained.

"Retard!" Uni puffed her cheeks out.

"Reeeet!" Noire hissed.

"Look! These are real people that know things! Ok!? They said we're all gonna die from a giant explosion in the sky! I took notes!" Neptune shows a paper and she wrote: WE ARE DEAD!

"Listen. You've taken all our dry goods. I got no reason to wake up in the morning, I think of Cereal and I know it's going to be gone. And I'm gonna slit my throat. I'm gonna die in my sleep! You're ruining my life! Stop playing on the internet!" Noire growled.

"Whatever! You can die! I'm gonna have all my weapons and food, I got plenty of pudding. I don't need you." Neptune puffed her cheeks out.

"You're gonna stock up with my foot up your ass. That's what you're going to do Neptune, that's what you're going to do." Noire said and leaves the room with Uni. Rom and Ram go to their rooms to play. Noire and Uni get on the computer and were going to make up a monster to scare Neptune so badly, she wouldn't use the internet ever again.

"Ok, we're on Wikipedia right now ok? Yeah? Let's make up a scary ass monster that Neptune will read about and it'll scare her so badly, she'll shit pudding all over her bed and we are laughing at her too. So this monster's gonna look like a giant eggplant with horns on its head and sharp teeth so it can bite her face off. Yeah?"

"Yeah." Uni nodded.

"Ok ok ok! So it calls you at two in the morning. And Neptune thinks it's gonna be a thing that increases shares but no. It's a gorlocks and this gorlock is gonna do what four in the morning the next day?" Noire pondered.

"Sex with your sister?" Uni suggested. Noire smirks and high-fives Uni. They soon get the page going and Neptune starts reading it. Neptune freaks out and soon the phone rang. Neptune picks it up and answers.

"Hello? Are you the gorlocks? What do you want from me?"

"OH, NOTHING! JUST CALLING YOU TO LET YOU KNOW THAT TOMORROW AT 4 AM I'M GONNA BE LAYING MY EGGS IN YOUR SISTER'S BELLY! AND POSSIBLY ON HER SHEETS AND OR DRESSER! BECAUSE GORLOCKS HAPPEN TO HAVE VERY BAD AIM IN THEIR REPRODUCTIVE PROCESSES!"

"No! Put eggs in me!" Neptune cried.

"WHAT ARE YOU GONNA LET HAPPEN WHEN THEY HATCH OUT OF YOUR SISTER'S BELLY!? LET ME RELEASE ALL THOSE EGGS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I want your eggs!"

"OH, I'M RUNNING OUT OF MINUTES ON MY PHONE. I GOT TO GO. JUST HANG UP, JESUS." The voice was Noire on the phone, her voice being distorted and deep. She snickered on the other end once Neptune hangs up.

"Ok bye." Neptune hangs up.

* * *

**THE NEXT DAY**

Noire, Uni, Rom, and Ram are eating breakfast at the kitchen table. Neptune comes out and is holding knives. "Oh my goodness guys! I was reading on Wikipedia last night about these eggplant monsters with devil horns and sharp fangs! They poop everywhere with acid! Listen, one of them called me last night and said it that was going to have sex with my sister until it lays its Gorlock eggs in her with its Gorlock dick!"

Noire looks at Uni, "Didn't you tape those spooky things going on in Neptune's room?"

"You know what I did." Uni smiled and takes out a video camera.

"Freaky," Noire said.

"It's disturbing," Ram said.

"We weren't allowed to view it," Rom said.

"Why don't you two go and play?" Noire suggested to the Lowee Candidates.

"Ok!" Ram and Rom said happily and head to their room to play.

"Yeah, it's pretty disturbing. I don't know if you want to see it."

"It's actually more disturbing when Blanc ripped off a dogoo's ears back at the forest," Noire said.

"Give me the camera," Neptune demanded.

"Are you sure you want it? It's pretty scary." Uni said.

"Give it to me!" Neptune shouted. Uni gives Neptune the camera.

"Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!" Neptune gasped as she begins to watch the video. It was Noire, dressed as an eggplant and she starts a farm song and dances near Neptune. Noire stops and sits down as Neptune gets her sword out and looks around.

"Hello?" She asked and goes back to sleep. Noire gets back up and resumes the music and gets a paddle and swings to Neptune's butt.

"That's a giant eggplant! Oh my goodness!" Neptune cried and heads back to her room.

"Well, I think she's going insane," Noire said and finishes her cereal.

"Looks like our plan's working." Uni smiled.

"Right you are Uni. Neptune's a godless idiot." Noire shook her head.

* * *

***Later that night, 4 AM***

Neptune is in her room and talks into a fake microphone. "Day 2, I'm pretty sure the Gorlocks is coming in the house tonight. I set up a bunch booby traps and covered my butt in pudding, in order to mask my scent." The phone rang and Neptune answers it. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me the Gorlocks. I wanted to apologize for yesterday. Let me tell you about myself: My favorite season is Spring, I like sweater vests, They're really nice. And do you know what my favorite channel is? Do you? THE SOUND OF ME BANGING YOUR SISTER SO HARD, SHE RENOUNCES THE GODS!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Neptune screamed and slams the phone down and lays in bed and gets her sword ready. Noire plays porn to trick Neptune into thinking that Nepgear is having sex with the Gorlocks. Neptune checks Wikipedia. "How to stop a Gorlock from having sex with your sister: You got to put powder dishwater detergent in your eyes. Ok." Neptune gets the powder and gets ready to fling it into her eyes. She does so and gasps. "AHHHHHH!" Her eyes burn.

***10 AM, Same Day***

"Nepgear!" Neptune appeared in the kitchen as Nepgear was making breakfast for Rom and Ram as they were sitting at the table.

"Morning Neptune!" Rom and Ram wave at her. Neptune waves back and she has a towel wrapped around her eyes.

"Neptune!? What happened?"

"You had sex...with a Gorlock!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, where's the Gorlock?"

"I don't want to do this! But as your child? It's the spawn of the devil...so I have give you an abortion." Neptune goes over to Nepgear and starts choking her. "WE MUST KILL THE EVIL IN YOUR WOMB! THE DEMONIC SOUL MUST DIE! BEGONE SATAN! BEGONE FROM HER WOMB!"

Ram and Rom walk away and run off into their rooms. Noire and Uni appear. "No no no no! You don't have to strangle your sister! It's just a big joke We made up the whole Gorlock thing, didn't we?"

"Yeah, it's a joke, we were messing with you and because you were like obsessed with Wikipedia and-" Uni started.

"It's bullshit." Noire finished.

"You made it up!?" Neptune gasped.

"There's no such thing as a Gorlock, Wikipedia's idiotcy and even though your sister is...I think she's dead." Noire looks at Nepgear and she wasn't moving.

"No Gorlock though, that's good," Uni said.

"I mean even though Nepgear's out like a light right now, there's no Gorlock. You can come outside, we can show you the mysticism that is the sun, and everything sun related if you would like." Noire said and points to the back door.

"Ok!" Neptune smiled and let's go of Nepgear. Noire opens the door for Neptune.

"Look at that my friend, it is one bright sunny day out, come on out and enjoy it," Noire said as she opened the door.

"We made it all up, Neptune. All made up." Uni said.

"Just a big joke." Noire said. Neptune walks outside.

"Hey, I need to get back to the Basilicom, I got work to finish and Histy's gonna lecture me again if I'm late today," Neptune said.

"Give her the sword." Noire said and Uni hands Neptune her weapon. Neptune heads out and looks around, eyes were still burnt red from the powder earlier.

"Look at her go, Goddess going back to work, so cute." Noire smiled.

Just then, The Gorlocks appeared, in the sky. Noire and Uni eyes went wide. "Hey! Thanks, Noire for telling me the truth." Neptune smiled and didn't notice the monster. It came flying at Neptune and she screams.

"Shut the door, shut the door. Shut it faster." Noire said to Uni and she shuts the door.

**END.**


End file.
